Redefining

I write this on the morning of Alan's passing. I am flooded with several emotions at the moment and since I am not sleeping I thought I could blog. It is funny, as I was laying down trying to go back to sleep I was almost drawn out of bed to do this post. I kept trying to tell myself to go to sleep and that I could do it later, but I feel like I cannot rest until I write this!!

Do you have a relationship with the Lord?
The reason I ask is because I think so many of us and myself included have entered into a relationship with Him because we are scared not to have a relationship with Him. It is as if we know that having a relationship is the right thing to do and we get a tug on our heart and take the leap of faith. But then what? What is next? What have you done with this relationship?

I certainly do not pride myself on being a good Bible scripture person. I am good with the stories, but when it comes to actually quoting verses... never been so good. Partly because I have never taken the time to memorize them I guess. Well, in the recent days with Todd's dad I literally find myself quoting verse after verse after verse. It is amazing that quoting these scriptures have been such a peace for me. I find comfort in the words of the Lord and I think this is a first for me. I guess the scriptures had been written on my heart even when I thought I did not know them!

You would think that I might be mad at the Lord for taking Alan, but instead I feel so thirsty for the Lord. I really have never felt closer to my Savior than I do right now. I guess looking back on the fantastic life that Alan led I am beginning to see the prophecy that the Lord wants to fulfill in each of us. If we have entered into a personal relationship with the Lord because we were scared of what might happened if we did not, then we are selling ourselves short of what the Lord has planned.

There have now been two very defining moments in my relationship with the Lord. One was when I entered into a relationship with Him and then now when I begin to understand the Lord is good, the Lord is divine, the Lord does not forsake us and His word is ALIVE!

So many times through Alan's battle I found peace in knowing Jesus will take one to save 1,000. Knowing I had been saved I rested in the fact that he was saving others through his testimony... funny now how I think I might be one of the thousand.

I guess what I am trying to say is if you feel like when you speak to the Lord or when you are in church and you are just going through the motions you are not there yet. Will you recommit yourself to the Lord in such a way that you begin to feel His awesomeness? Will you enter into a relationship that is alive and well, not one that is scared and obligated?

Come taste and see that the Lord is GOOD!!!!!!!

Mom Guilt

Does Mom Guilt ever get the best of you?

Do you ever think you could be doing more or what you are doing is not good enough? I feel like every mom I talk to experiences this several times a day and I am no exception!!!!

It seems like a million times a day I think to myself did I sing the ABC's with Allyn enough times today or did I stimulate Hollis enough. Also, I feel like when I wake up in the morning my list of things I want to do with the girls is huge, but then I fall asleep at night not having done enough! I know this is mom guilt!! Why do we have mom guilt and why does it have such a hold of us???

Today was Cleaning House Day and while cleaning mom guilt was getting to me more than ever. I felt horrible that Hollis was playing in her jumper and that Allyn was playing by herself in the playroom. I just felt like I should stop cleaning and play with the girls, but then how would the house ever get clean? We do not have a house elf that lives here! (Harry Potter humor!)

So alas, I found a way to minimize my mom guilt when I have to get things done around the house. I coin it, "Learning How to Be a Mommy Day." These are the days that you have lots of laundry to do and lots of house chores that need to be done, but you feel guilty about not interacting as usual with your children. Rest easy all you moms, you are not being a bad mom when you have to clean house one day... you are simply showing them how to care for your home! I guess this theory works well when you have girls. Hmmm... for all you boy moms I think you can rest easy that you are showing your son how to appreciate his future wife and all she will contribute in keeping their house in order!! Whatever makes you feel better right? I know this sounds weird, but I feel so horrible when I have to do housework and do not get to play with the girls like I would normally do! Please do not try to analyze what goes on in my head! You will get further pounding sand!

After all, how can mom guilt get the best you when you look at these faces???

Videos speak for themselves!

I decided I would just post some of the videos we have taken recently so you can see what we have been doing! The girls are great and keep us laughing constantly!! Allyn continues to become more and more animated and everyday she is becoming less of a toddler and more of a little girl! Hollis' personalitly is developing at a rapid pace. This past week she has learned how to do "raspberries". She does them all the time and cracks herself up everytime! Too precious!!